taken pre-meal, as you can tell by lucy's toleration of me.
So why was this a bad day? I miss them. I handle it better than I thought I would, because I know they're continuing in their happy little lives, only with a little less cuddling. But it still sucks.
It got me to thinking later.. About how last week someone asked me what I was looking for and I didn't know. I don't know. Of course I want to be with someone; holding hands and kissing are a distant but fond memory. But I don't think showing someone that amount of trust is in me right now. Point 1: I'm a big softie; I can't trust myself to be logical about someone after I grow to care for them. Point 2: If things go well, they eventually become part of your life, at which point they have the ability to change your life. And unless I'm moving to Hawaii, I don't want the places I'm used to, the people I'm used to, and my surroundings to change overnight. Not to mention the precious little cats I'm used to cuddling with daily.
I'm not whining. I'm happier now than I had been in the past few months, and none of these changes are horrible anyway - just different. It just occurs to me that trusting someone enough to give them a place where they become part of your life is.. well, for lack of better terms, a Very Big Thing and Not To Be Taken Lightly.
Oh well. Men are nicer when they're just your friend anyway. I just wish they weren't so pleasant to touch. :)