Wednesday, June 08, 2005
  I haven't had a bad day in a while..
but yesterday was one of them.

Ed is out of town for a few days so asked if I'd like to come by to check on the cats for him. Of course I did.

Driving over there was a little funny. It's the route my body's auto-pilot immediately goes for when I get on 5-95 these days, still, so relaxing into it was.. strange. When I first met Ed, I was going to school off of Davie Road, which two exists east of his Pine Island exit. I couldn't help but think of how nice it was back then. I sat through 3 hours of astronomy after a 9-hour workday, shivering the whole time, and was rewarded with hugs and kisses from Ed, who was always incredibly warm and tasted of yummy things, like rum. This was back when he was happy to see me, when we'd spend our evenings drinking wine, talking, and reading. It was always great end to a long day.

Anyway, the cats were really happy to see me. That's only because they wanted fresh food, of course, but I neglected that for a couple of minutes so I could squeeze them and they'd put up with it.

taken pre-meal, as you can tell by lucy's toleration of me.

After everyone was happy, Lucy disappeared and Suki wanted to be brushed. We settled into our old routine where I brush her, she acts happy and content, so I sit down to be more comfortable while continuing to brush, and then she walks three feet away and wonders why I'm not brushing her. So then I scoot the three feet over and we repeat the whole process.

So why was this a bad day? I miss them. I handle it better than I thought I would, because I know they're continuing in their happy little lives, only with a little less cuddling. But it still sucks.

Suki agrees.

It got me to thinking later.. About how last week someone asked me what I was looking for and I didn't know. I don't know. Of course I want to be with someone; holding hands and kissing are a distant but fond memory. But I don't think showing someone that amount of trust is in me right now. Point 1: I'm a big softie; I can't trust myself to be logical about someone after I grow to care for them. Point 2: If things go well, they eventually become part of your life, at which point they have the ability to change your life. And unless I'm moving to Hawaii, I don't want the places I'm used to, the people I'm used to, and my surroundings to change overnight. Not to mention the precious little cats I'm used to cuddling with daily.

I'm not whining. I'm happier now than I had been in the past few months, and none of these changes are horrible anyway - just different. It just occurs to me that trusting someone enough to give them a place where they become part of your life is.. well, for lack of better terms, a Very Big Thing and Not To Be Taken Lightly.

Oh well. Men are nicer when they're just your friend anyway. I just wish they weren't so pleasant to touch. :)

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I'm Stacey. I'm a 31(!)-year-old Wisconsin girl living in sunny South Florida. The highlights in my life are my lovely boyfriend, my aloof cats, my adorable/adoring stepdogs, my two lumbering tortoises, select family members, being outside, being underwater, taking pictures, yadda yadda. Stay tuned for lots of babbling!

Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida, United States


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Making a difference

A small boy lived by the ocean. He loved the creatures of the sea, especially the starfish, and he spent much of his time exploring the seashore.

One day the boy learned there would be a minus tide that would leave the starfish stranded on the sand.

When the tide went out, he went down to the beach, began picking up the stranded starfish, and tossing them back into the ocean.

An elderly man who lived next door came down to the beach to see what the boy was doing. Seeing the man's quizzical expression, the boy paused as he approached. "I'm saving the starfish!" the boy proudly declared.

When the neighbor saw all of the stranded starfish he shook his head and said: "I'm sorry to disappoint you, young man, but if you look down the beach, there are stranded starfish as far as the eye can see. And if you look up the beach the other way, it's the same. One little boy like you isn't going to make much of a difference."

The boy thought about this for a moment. Then he reached his small hand down to the sand, picked up another starfish, tossed it out into the ocean, and said: "Well, I sure made a difference for that one!"

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