Gretchey on our fancy grandma couch, originally uploaded by estacey.

okay, so oreo sucks.

she pees EVERY NIGHT on this couch.

we had this problem before... hence the plastic cover. back then, the dogs AND the cats were all taking out their frustrations on this poor couch. and OH MY GOD that was horrible. it was SO MUCH WORK every time one of them peed on it. so we first covered the cushions in garbage bags. trashy yes (ha ha), but it did help quite a bit with the cleanup routine. and then this eBay cover made it 100x better.

we put nice blankets over the cover, and it looked like a nice couch again. the peeing stopped. the cover remained, as insurance.

then the peeing started again. we didn't know who it was until we caught oreo one more, squatting.

it's now been happening for the better part of a month i'd say. i think we went nearly a week without any instances, and i got my hopes up, but they were again dashed. every morning i wake up to cat pee on the couch. it's to the point that, despite the fact i dry it up, then wash it with wet wipes, and often again with wet paper towels, the cover is now even smelling bad. i had to take the whole thing off and wash it in the bathtub. THAT is fun, if you could imagine, and now it's due for that again...

oh, and one night, she peed on it when the blanket was still on the couch, and in the middle of the night, sebastian decided he wanted to sleep on that couch. so not only did i have pee blankets to contend with, but a cat-pee dog, too.

i've tried sprinkling catnip on the couch. no effect. i got the catnip spray (which they LOVE, by the way, it's hilarious) and sprayed it all over the couch... no effect, as far as the peeing goes. i tried to find solutions.. for example, i read that they don't like the feel of tinfoil on their feet. i figured if i put tinfoil on the couch for a while, oreo would learn to avoid it. to test the theory out, i brought her a square of it. she touched the foil, then took two steps onto the square, plopped down, and happily went to sleep on the tinfoil. um.

when my family was here, i decided that i would get a little litterbox and put it on the couch, with a new kind of litter in it. maybe she just wanted to relieve herself there, and maybe she'd go in a box. i told my plan to my sis and said, "and if she doesn't go there, then that's her last chance, then i'll have to---" at which point kelli interrupted me: "get rid of her, yah." i'm like, "um, no. i mean, banish her from that room, somehow, into the bedroom or something." when i recounted the story, incredulous, to chris, he was like, "well, you have to remember, your idea of forgiveness for animals is somewhat different than most people's." the thing is, she's a good cat except for this... um, and the fact that she's an asshole to the other cats. really, all cats suck in their own way. i can't really complain about kitten... but elliott rips holes in all our screens when he decides he wants inside like a little incredible hulk or something (rather than just cry, which is what the other cats do), which is fodder for a whole separate post. i really need to get pictures; it's ridiculous.

i'm so frustrated now, i've given up on the litterbox idea entirely. we can't live with a litterbox on the couch. and i ain't cleaning up cat piss every morning for the rest of my life, or until i kill oreo (as i threaten every morning as i'm cleaning up the piss, which makes me sneeze). and we can't even USE the couch anymore. even the dogs don't sit there. so what's the point of having it here? we are definitely not winning this battle, and it's pissing us both off in the interim, so...

here's my plan.

1. we're having the stanley steamer (steemer?) guys come anyhow to do the carpets. they can clean the couch to get the soaked-in urine smells out of it from when everyone was using the couch as the neighborhood fire hydrant. i know that often makes cats go somewhere... when they smell urine on something, it makes them go there again.

2. [the order of these may change.] we're packing up the couch and putting it in the garage for a month or so. oreo will hopefully, in that time, forget her bad pissing-on-the-couch behaviors. she'll forget the couch altogether. and when it comes back in the house, it won't smell like pee, so she won't pick that behavior up again, either. new vinyl cover, new colored blankets so it will LOOK like a new couch... and i'll just PRAY she won't do it anymore. if she does, we'll have to get rid of the couch, but chris has had it forever.

think this will work? i don't think chris was really happy with the suggestion at first, but it is really the only thing i can think of that has the prospect of working long-term.

i just cleaned up pee again, so i had to write this all out, out of frustration. at least it's all almost over, hopefully.. when chris discovered the pee this morning, he said, "oreo, enjoy it while you can. you can pee two more times!" 'cause we're taking the couch out this weekend. :)

¶ 1:05 PM