Monday, December 22, 2008
  To tell the truth?
I had this weird mole thing come out of nowhere a few years back and grow and grow and grow. I asked a few different doctor-types about it. Everyone said not to worry; it wasn't skin cancer. But it kept growing. I went to a doc that Chris suggested and they did a biopsy. It came back that it was a neurofibroma.. Ha ha, which I startingly realized was what the lady had that I watched the show about - she had a 200+ lb tumor! It got so big that the blood meant for all her organs was being diverted to the tumor... Eventually she started hallucinating when her brain was being deprived of blood. No one wanted to operate on her, though - this thing was so big that she couldn't even walk, and it was so entangled with all her veins and arteries that no one wanted to try to get it off. Long story short, someone took a chance and got it off and in six months she went from looking like a cadaver to a chunky housewife. Amazing.

Anyway, I don't quite get it but the doctor said that it was a little inconclusive - or something - so they just suggested I get it taken off. Chris suggested a guy he works with and he cut it off last week. They gave me percocet for when the lidocaine wore off, but it never was bad, at all.

But now I have this cut on my arm... I try to keep it covered since sun is really bad for scarring, so even when I try the least conspicuous cover - two bandaids - I get people asking what happened. I tell the truth and say I had a mole thing taken off, and I always feel like the people regretted asking. I mean, I understanding - the cutting off of a mole isn't the sexiest thing I can imagine either.

But the question is... Do I keep telling the truth? Embarassing myself and others? Or do I think up a lie? Like.. I dunno. Drive-by? Shank fight? Baby shark attack? Help.

Now, I tend to be a pretty honest person, but I am faced right now with another question of dishonesty. A real dilemma here, since I am kinda being forced to lie.

See, Chris's mom is real big on education. Chris's family of five are three medical doctors, one Ph.D., and one Master's (of Education, I think). Back before his mom turned into the super-evil lady whose opinion neither of us care anything about, Chris foresaw her freaking out to the fact that I am still working on my Bachelor's and told a lie - without consulting me first - that I had a degree already. Myself, I would've just told the truth and if she didn't like it, she could kiss my blue collar background ass. I mean, being 30 and in school isn't ideal, but at least i'm doing it? That's what I tell myself. But Chris got me into a lie. He said it wasn't a big deal - to lie - but it would save us both a lot of headache, so that's fine.

She was suspicious - why would a degree-holder in English be working as a "marketing assistant"? So when I went back to school, Chris said I was studying to be a teacher. He may have even said I was going for my Master's. I don't even know at this point. She was looking up the salary for teachers in Florida, and apparently was satisfied by the $40,000 starting salary. Little did she know, but that's about how much I was making in my menial marketing assistant job anyhow.

ANYWAY. So last Christmas, I had to go along with the lie a little bit. A couple of sentences, that was it. But now she was asking what I was doing and Chris said that I was student teaching? I'm like, what?! I kinda wish he would consult with me first. He said I can say I'm still working at my old job - she doesn't know I am going to school full-time - and student teaching too. I don't even think he knows what he told her at this point, so I can't get it straight from him; he just tells me to say whatever.

As for me, I wish I could tell the truth... But at this point, it would be bad stuff upon bad stuff in the Me & Chris's mom department. I mean... I don't want to say that Chris was lying, but I don't know what TO say that makes sense. I think I will only have to see her at the Christmas Eve dinner family dinner, anyhow, so I hope we stay clear of the subject.

The bad part is that I am THIS FAR [pinching together index finger & thumb over here] from just going off on her. I go over what I'd say in my head. Usually when Chris says things like that she wanted to take me out to lunch. Like, are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?! When I see her, I am aiming for "civil" but I think I will only be able to barely manage that much. I mean, what if she tries to do that polite hug/kiss thing? No fucking way.

For those of you who don't remember, she went off in a series of emails to Chris about the fact that I am not good enough. Not pretty enough. Apparently she thinks my hair is pretty, but that is the only thing. If he didn't break up with me by Christmas, she said, we would not be invited to spend time with them. (Yes, say it with me now: OH DARN.) And please understand, this is nearly out of nowhere. Last year at Christmas, she liked me... and then I backed Chris up when he said to stop yelling so much, all the time, about everything. Ever since then...

For the record, she's totally crazy. Chris never introduced ANY of his girlfriends to her in the past for this very reason... And no one was ever good enough for him. But she was incredibly cold and downright evil in her emails... To the point that I don't really know how you get past it. It didn't hit me so hard until she came to town and stopped by our house the other day... But I was agitated and upset just to have her standing in our driveway.

Anyway. Yay crazy old ladies.

So what do I do? Change the subject? Or should I say, yes, I'm student teaching, and also I am an astronaut. Chris said I can make up anything I want. I don't know how "full-time student" would go over, though, since I supposedly already HAD my B.A. So yeah, I'm thinking astronaut. Or stripper. Or just to amuse myself maybe I could say I am studying nuclear fusion but pronounce nuclear like Sarah Palin did ("nucular"). Ideas?
tell her that student teaching is a lot of hard work and you checked the starting salaries and since it's only $40k and you were making more than that as a marketing assistant, so you've decided to give up on this whole graduate degree and teaching nonsense, but you aren't sure how to tell chris... ;)
It could work, though. I have a BS and I'm a full-time student again. But, I'm only unemployed because I can't get a job. I got turned down by everyone, including Target and the local grocery store. Talk about ego-deflating!
But back to you -- ;) I like the astronaut thing. Why the hell not? Confuse the shit out of her and sit back and laugh, purely for your entertainment!
I think you should tell her you realized you could make $80k a year at a strip club and now you're a stripper. I guess that would make her more mad, but at least it would shut her up?

What an awful person she must be.
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I'm Stacey. I'm a 31(!)-year-old Wisconsin girl living in sunny South Florida. The highlights in my life are my lovely boyfriend, my aloof cats, my adorable/adoring stepdogs, my two lumbering tortoises, select family members, being outside, being underwater, taking pictures, yadda yadda. Stay tuned for lots of babbling!

Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida, United States


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Making a difference

A small boy lived by the ocean. He loved the creatures of the sea, especially the starfish, and he spent much of his time exploring the seashore.

One day the boy learned there would be a minus tide that would leave the starfish stranded on the sand.

When the tide went out, he went down to the beach, began picking up the stranded starfish, and tossing them back into the ocean.

An elderly man who lived next door came down to the beach to see what the boy was doing. Seeing the man's quizzical expression, the boy paused as he approached. "I'm saving the starfish!" the boy proudly declared.

When the neighbor saw all of the stranded starfish he shook his head and said: "I'm sorry to disappoint you, young man, but if you look down the beach, there are stranded starfish as far as the eye can see. And if you look up the beach the other way, it's the same. One little boy like you isn't going to make much of a difference."

The boy thought about this for a moment. Then he reached his small hand down to the sand, picked up another starfish, tossed it out into the ocean, and said: "Well, I sure made a difference for that one!"

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