Monday, May 02, 2005
  A few thoughts
After a particularly lonely and down-with-love weekend, I feel inclined to write something here I normally wouldn't because, you know, people I know read this.

EVERYONE IS FUCKING MARRIED. Everyone is fucking married and happy. Or engaged and happy. The latter is particularly saddening, for some reason.

Okay, so tell me how this makes sense.

I've never been one of those girls who dreams of getting married. Never been the type to write Mrs. So-and-So with little hearts all over my notebook. Never been the type to look wistfully through Bride magazine and dream of my special day. In fact, when the idea of my and wedding come together, my only concern is if that were to happen (ha ha), who the hell would I invite? Stacey better make some friends, pronto.

However, I am desperately fond of the idea of being engaged. The mere sight of a rock on a woman's finger makes me ooze jealousy, and not because I have any special attachment to expensive baubles. It's that those rings exude happiness; an engagement ring is a blinking neon sign that reads, "I have someone that loves me." Someone that loves her so much that he had the idea to propose and spent oodles of dollars on a ring to accompany the question - will you have me? How wonderful must it be to have someone love you and want you like that?

I don't know if that's going to happen to me. I had that feeling a while back, that marriage wasn't in the cards for me. And back then, that didn't seem bad. But now.. now I can't help but get a little down. I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me. What kind of love repellent is seeping out my pores? Am I too silly to be taken seriously? Too accepting to be appreciated? JUST NOT FUCKING CUTE ENOUGH?

As you can tell, this has been a bad weekend. But hey, at least I have my cat.
Not cute enough? You are a very beautiful woman, inside and out! How many people do you know would stop on the side of a road and pick up an injured animal and take it to the vet? You are an amazing person Stacey! Remember that!
Stace, you're beautiful and if i looked like you, i'd probably never get anything done from staring at myself in the mirror all day.

But i completely understand what you mean about being jealous of one and not the other. I DESPERATELY want another baby... It's making me ill - and i don't mind looking at newborn babes. But i literally will run from a room to escape a pregnanct woman. It's gotten to the point where i just cringe if a woman's belly looks even slightly bloated - and if she has another kid, that just makes it worse. Why does she get two???

When you do finally get married, i promise i'll come. And i can vouch that HRH is an amazing flower girl, if you need one. ;)

I'm sorry you're feeling low. :( It makes me want to make you banana pudding and brush your hair. I'm far from being full of wisdom, but I do understand how you're feeling. I wish I could help.
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I'm Stacey. I'm a 31(!)-year-old Wisconsin girl living in sunny South Florida. The highlights in my life are my lovely boyfriend, my aloof cats, my adorable/adoring stepdogs, my two lumbering tortoises, select family members, being outside, being underwater, taking pictures, yadda yadda. Stay tuned for lots of babbling!

Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida, United States


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Making a difference

A small boy lived by the ocean. He loved the creatures of the sea, especially the starfish, and he spent much of his time exploring the seashore.

One day the boy learned there would be a minus tide that would leave the starfish stranded on the sand.

When the tide went out, he went down to the beach, began picking up the stranded starfish, and tossing them back into the ocean.

An elderly man who lived next door came down to the beach to see what the boy was doing. Seeing the man's quizzical expression, the boy paused as he approached. "I'm saving the starfish!" the boy proudly declared.

When the neighbor saw all of the stranded starfish he shook his head and said: "I'm sorry to disappoint you, young man, but if you look down the beach, there are stranded starfish as far as the eye can see. And if you look up the beach the other way, it's the same. One little boy like you isn't going to make much of a difference."

The boy thought about this for a moment. Then he reached his small hand down to the sand, picked up another starfish, tossed it out into the ocean, and said: "Well, I sure made a difference for that one!"

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